Clueless Wonder

Just got home after watching my beloved Pittsburgh Steelers lay a huge egg today in Arizona. Their defense and special teams played well enough overall to win, even with that punt returned for a touchdown. My thought is that if the offense would have generated even a modicum of yardage in the second half, then there wouldn’t have been a problem. They are still 3-1 and have a full game lead in the division. Thankfully, the hated Ravens lost to the Browns so it wasn’t a complete waste of a day….

Dear Technical Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in overall system performance — Particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5 and then installed undesirable programs such as NFL 5.0, Local Poker 3.0, and Golf Clubs 4.1. Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. I’ve tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.

What can I do?

Signed,
Desperate
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Dear Desperate:

First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, While Husband 1.0 is an Operating System.

Please enter the command: “http: I Thought You Loved Me.HTML” and try to download Tears 6.2 and don’t forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update. If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5. But remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Online Poker Pro 7.0 or Beer 6.1. Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Snoring Loudly Beta.

Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-in-law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources). Also, do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are unsupported applications a nd will crash Husband 1.0.

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend Food 3.0, Hot Lingerie 7.7 or BookClub 2.0 (for yourself).

Good Luck,

Technical Support

This week included a killer grocery shopping trip. I swear our receipt was like two feet long! So I should have most everything on hand no matter what I want to make for awhile. So tonight I think I’m going to make my lovely fiancee a yummy meal since he has to work all day.

I have a pretty good idea of what I”m going to make but I won’t post it here yet as I want it to be a surprise for him. I’ll post the pics, food and results tomorrow!